Gender reveal parties have skyrocketed in popularity over the last few years. If you haven’t heard about or seen the latest viral trend in pregnancy pop up on your Instagram feed, then chances are, you have to be living under a rock (sorry, it’s true!)
Although particularly popular in the US, the pregnancy celebration is rapidly growing in popularity in the UK, with the British-based online retailer Party Delights reporting an 87% increase in gender reveal-related products over the past three years.
28-year-old pop singer Demi Lovato shared a lengthy Instagram post yesterday (25th February 2021) condemning gender reveal parties, arguing that they presume that “non-trans people are to be more “natural” than trans people.” Only individual people can self determine their gender.”
Transphobia has no simple manifestation, but is best explained as a rejection of trans identity, often resulting in prejudice and violence towards individual trans people.
Although receiving a tonne of backlash from the post from people who feel that the singers’ opinion is “shameful” and “disgusting,” I am with Lovato on this one.
What is a gender reveal party?
Usually celebrated at an earlier stage in pregnancy than a baby shower, a gender reveal party announces whether the baby will be a boy or a girl. This is normally around the time of the 20-week scan, when the babies’ biological sex can be determined.
Gender reveal parties are not a new phenomenon. They have just become more popular and elaborate as Insta-mums compete for extra clout by trying to have the most exciting and different celebration.
Traditional reveals (and the most sensible ones, to say the least) include a cake with pink or blue coloured frosting inside, or a piñata filled with pink or blue confetti. The revelation is simple: blue for a boy, or pink for a girl (as if gender identity could neatly fit into just two colours, anyway!)
Like most documented life moments, gender reveal parties are perfectly curated, visually pleasing and, I can’t lie, enviable at first glance.
But are they really necessary? And does anyone consider the mental and physiological dangers of these gender reveal parties?
I personally can't stand to watch videos of gender reveal parties. I’ll avoid them at all costs if I see them pop up on YouTube.
Credits to the “creator” of gender reveals go to Jenna Karvunidis who, back in 2008, simply baked a cake containing pink icing, cut into it with her family and posted the footage taken on her personal blog. Little did she know the traction this would gain.
However, in the years that have followed, there has been a noticeable cultural shift and more and more couples are now going (wayyyyy) overboard with their announcements. Instead of cakes and piñatas, expectant parents are now revealing the gender of their baby by setting off smoke grenades and fireworks or firing cannons.
It all seems a bit much, don’t you think?
The dangers of gender reveal parties
Yes, gender reveals are an exciting way to celebrate the announcement of a baby’s sex. But increasingly, these announcements are becoming more and more over-the-top and, simultaneously, riskier.
One couple’s gender reveal party in Florida went terribly left and sparked a 10-acre wildfire after highly flammable explosives in a gender reveal cannon ignited a tree, resulting in $8 million worth of damage.
In New York, a father-to-be was recently killed in a freak accident after he was assembling a device for his child’s gender-reveal party.
Whilst the incident is tragic without a doubt, I still can’t fathom why people go to such extreme and dangerous lengths to announce their baby’s gender.
It begs the question to me, was it really worth it?
What’s even harder for me to understand is why people then feel the need to post the relatively intimate and personal event on social media platforms like TikTok and Instagram for strangers around the globe to see – this so-called “sharenting” beats me.
Having ceased all use of social media for almost two years now, I feel that I may be out of the touch here. But I simply cannot wrap my head around why it’s become so desirable to post the ins and outs of your child’s life on social media before they’re even old enough to have a phone themselves.
As a child grows older, they should be entitled to the same privacy that adults are granted. As adults, we are mindful about what we post on the net, but why is a child not offered the same consideration?
After all, the internet is such a vast space, who knows where the content you post will end up?
I would much prefer to keep the sentimental moments of my future childs’ development to myself, and only share with people I know personally, not with strangers on the net.
Besides causing havoc on the ecosystem and threat to human life itself, gender reveals have revealed some not-so-wholesome reactions from parents and family members.
All too often, you come across viral videos of “disappointed reactions” from fathers and other family members who discover they’re having a baby girl; you literally watch them groan and hang their head at the announcement.
What’s that about? Surely the health and wellbeing of the baby takes precedence over what the child’s sex is and as parents, you should love your child unconditionally regardless.
Maybe it’s just the inner Generation Z in me coming out, but I sure won’t be disappointed about my future-child’s sex, and I’m even surer that I would never post a “disappointed reaction” video on the net.
Sex vs gender?
As well as the physical dangers that could come with gender reveal parties, there is massive controversy about the use of the term “gender”, and the assigning of a gender to a child before it’s even born.
Gender reveal parties celebrate the announcement of the sex of a baby, not their gender.
In theory, they should be called “sex-reveal parties”. After all, sex is based on anatomy (and yes, this is determinable), but an individual’s gender is based on identity, which may or not match with the sex they born.
Gender identity develops over time and with age and experience; unlike your baby’s sex, it’s not something that a doctor can determine.
The idea of gender reveals contrast with recent cultural changes and to me, seem quite outdated – we don’t live in the dark ages anymore, people aren’t obliged to stick with the sex that they were born.
But through these gender reveals, a child (one that isn’t even born yet!) is assigned a gender identity that is likely enforced upon them as they grow older, too.
Gender reveal parties emphasize the importance of sex as gender, going against all progress that has been made to provide people who identify as transgender, non-binary or non-confirming with the same rights as those who identify with their sex.
Aside from the instant (and very old-fashioned) stereotype of “pink or blue”, gender reveal parties often have bias themes and décor throughout, like “rugby balls or tutu’s”, or “dresses or tracksuits”.
But what if your son loves ballet but hates sport? Or if your daughter loves tracksuits and hates dresses?
I’m certainly not saying gender reveal parties are all bad and I’m not bashing those who do host these events. But we really do need to leave these clout-chasing viral videos alone, stop the “sharenting” and be more clued up on the differences between sex and gender.
It’s about time we moved past the middle ages – this is 2021.
Stop the bias. Stop the gender-assigning. Love your child unconditionally regardless of their sex and gender.